To be honest falling in love feels great..always… No way you want to question it when it feels so great… Yet I am here to tell you that as someone with the history in abuse, you must. Unless you have made dedicated effort and even if you have…to address your past, this falling in love is mostly dysfunctional. You might not realize it now…but trust me, it will reveal itself in the process.
Why is falling in love so dangerous for people that are abused…Well for the same reason as alcohol or drugs are dangerous. People that are in pain are seeking for a release or an escape. In that way having this one person as a saviour is nothing different from having alcohol as a solution.
The thing is, if you habitually feel bad, mostly because your parents have taught you to feel bad, any kind of lifebelt seems better than remaining in your current state. Unfortunately no one can save you from your own misery. Being in love wears off and you are left with the exact same misery you started with.
However, that is not to demean the instinct to escape. What happened to people like us is not fair. It is not fair to deem the wish to get a bit of relief as dysfunctional or abnormal. If most people lived in the kind of reality that abused people live…trust me, they would be constantly drugged.
However, the harsh truth is that love will not save you if you have been abused. Nothing besides your own effort and therapy can.
What comes after the abuse? 