So over the course of recent year I have seen several people being promoted who I thought never really deserved a promotion. Furthermore, I still have my temporary working contract and I have been assured that they have no intention whatsoever to prelongen it. I will not really go into the details of this whole situation, but suffice to say that as I had a development talk with my boss with him pointing out some of the reasons as to why they cannot keep me (some of it was really actually straight up wrong and others parts felt more fetched up) I did end up feeling the injustice. Moreover, as my boss went over the long list of blaming me for not being able to get any prolongation, I actually felt more upset than I have felt for a long time. Mostly, because I felt that I had worked really hard all these years.
I spent several days feeling like a victim and feeling that I had been unjustly overlooked. I was really upset….Until it dawned on me that no one cares that I am upset. This might at first feel like it should make me even more upset, but it actually had an opposite effect. I thought – the only person who ends up feeling bad if I constantly keep focusing on the perceived injustices is….ME. My boss does not feel bad, my colleagues who thought got their positions through nepotism do not feel bad. It is only me that feels bad. So essentially in addition to perhaps having being treated unfairly, I am making it way worse for myself with focusing all my energy on their negative treatment of me. I am giving them way too much power.
So the thinking process went on in a way – who cares if my soon to be former boss does not appreciate me. It is one person. He should really not been given such a big role in my life. Not only is this one person, but furthermore, it is someone who obviously had a lot at stake in defending his choices. Should I feel bad about it? Should I see myself as a victim? Should I continue to focus on the experience of being violated?
So instead I decided that I don’t want to see myself as a victim. I observe his behaviour, I analyse his negative opinions and I make decisions accordingly. In this particular instance I will take an active role in seeking employment elsewhere. Lets face it – you probably don’t want to in a long run work anyways in the place where you feel unvalued. So, in a way they have done me a favour by forcing me to change the environment. Otherwise I might have probably just continued there, feeling invisible and unvalued, but not really up for any changes either.
So my suggestion on a situation where you feel treated unjustly is to give this emotion back to the person who caused this reaction. Don’t give them the power to make you miserable. They probably will not feel like they did anything wrong anyways and hence will not really see any responsibility in you feeling miserable.