Seeing the relationships from the perspective of another

For the past days I have ruminated over if I should contact the guy that ghosted me about one year ago. The reason for that was mostly because it was an intense connection, unlike anything I have ever felt before. After quite a bit of emotional turmoil I have reached to the conclusion that I should leave the dead in peace.

I obviously still had some emotional entanglement to him. What I discovered through my soul searching however was something I think is a valuable lesson. Namely, I was seeing the relationship solely from my perspective out of the values I had. From this perspective I thought that this connection was something worth fighting for because it was so rare and so deep. I guess what I realized was that this is my view and that does not necessarily mean that he never felt that way. It means, he had other priorities.  Accepting that someone can feel for you, but still decide to leave is not something that comes easily to me. My first response would always come out of my absolute romantic standpoint – but how could they ever leave something like that?? They must have not felt all this after all, I must have imagined that.

So what I learned was that he made a choice at this moment and he at least at this point felt that this choice served him well. The fact that he still has not contacted me, means that he still believes that either it serves him well or he simply does not have the courage to reach out. Both are bad for me. The first one needs little explanation, but the second one…..See, lets entertain the possibility that he did have as deep feelings as I did and he still does. Lets assume he regrets going away or at least thinks about reconnecting…The fact that he is actually not doing it, still illustrates the difference in values. Or perhaps I should say continued difference in values, as I would have probably not ghosted someone in the first place.

So I guess, what I am realizing is that people can put different value and importance to relationships and especially relationships to me. They can make their choices based on other factors. But if they do have different priorities, reaching out to them will probably not change it.

So I guess I have accepted that what might have felt like a connection of the life time might have as well been the connection of the life time for both of us. That does not mean both of us will have to choose this above everything else or choose this at all. It is a bit of an odd one as I am not quite sure I know how to word the whole experience yet, but I assume I am getting there….

 

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