Similar friendship patterns

A lot is written on how we attract similar kind of romantic relationships, but much less about friendships. So I will dedicate this post to friendships.

I have noticed that I seem to have one predominant friendship pattern. I seek out these wise and strong women that would help me with my issues. Basically I seek a surrogate mother, I guess. The problem with these friendships is that well, you cannot have a mother when you are grownup, it always has its negative sides.

Here is how these friendships develop – first we are both content. They, because they feel admired and have control in this relationship and me, because I have finally found someone who will support me. As the relationship continues, I start to feel more and more inferior as my acute feelings of unworthiness progress. My friends on the other hand start to either withdraw (because my neediness is too much for them) or indulge in a sense of control and put me down further.

Obviously relationships are not one sided and I have to take full responsibility for my relationship troubles. The problem is, as much as I try, I cannot seem to shake off two major contributing feelings – that I am worse than everyone else and that I am helpless. These are the two very strong feelings still left in me. I am afraid that as long as I harbor those feelings, I will continue to attract similar kind of relationships further down the road.

The interesting part of analysing same-sex relationships, in this case friendships, is the fact that you notice how they represent your relationship with your same-sex parent. So it is not only the opposite sex parent whose role in our life is defining in terms of relationships, but also same sex parent. So my relationships with my friends are a good representation of my relationship with mom.


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