I am reframing several of my relationships in my life. I am noticing how my low self-esteem and my tendency to ask others for their opinions has attracted several people in my life who by definition are very critical of me. I look at my old friends and I get surprised by how they think is fine to relate to me and how they often times put me down in their way of relating.
My low self-esteem and the tendency of these people to be critical of me once formed a perfect system. They reinforced the whole continuum. On one hand, I was convinced that I needed these people to tell me how to live my life and that I should be grateful that they are willing to bare me. On the other hand, me asking for constant advice and acting helpless made these people feel important and made sure that their attention was directed away from their own problems. They always had a comparison with me which assured them that they were at least better than me.
I am slowly cutting such people out of my life. I am slowly trying to surround myself with people who are more supportive of me. Who instead of judging me, offer me support when need be and give me space if I need to figure things out on myself. I, myself, try to show up more in these relationships as well, offer my support. Move away from my helplessness to fully participate in reciprocal relationships. I am taking steps from becoming an adult, not someone who needs to be guided and taken care of.