I have been recently thinking about my rejection issues. I am discovering how I have closed down in my relationship, because I have felt so rejected for long. I never wanted to acknowledge this, because I always wanted to be the one ‘who has it all together’. The fact is, I do not. I feel the pain and I feel rejection.
So what is my rejection in my relationship about? It is about me feeling less than….because despite five years, my boyfriend is still assessing the relationship. It is about me hearing from him constantly how I should change myself. Somehow he always has some issues to bring up, issues that are not related to him, but to me.
People have told me that, if somebody tells you that you have to change for them to be able to commit to you, this person does not really love you. This, is starting to dawn to me as I acknowledge how rejected I feel because of his constant critical comments. I am withdrawn.
I guess the real problem is that I let him or anyone else tell me what I am worth. That I just do not go away. The pattern is changing though because I refuse to change myself according to his wishes now. I tell him off quite directly. I am digesting the issue…. Wondering what makes somebody be so critical towards someone they claim they love. What makes them constantly tell that they need to assess the relationship.
That however, does not mean it does not hurt.