Something interesting is happening. I feel that I am finally ready for commitment. I want marriage. I want kids. I want to be able to look at my partner and say – this is a person I will spend most of my life together with. I want family holidays. All these things that I somewhat treaded and yet secretly wanted for years. However, something is different these days, I know that I am willing to do a lot of work for that.
However, my readiness also unfortunately lets me know that, my partner is not ready. The most important thing he is not ready for, is to sacrifice things for the relationship. I am of conviction that relationship always means sacrifices. It means work. You do the work. You sacrifice the immediate benefit for long-term benefit.
My partner’s position somewhat confuses me. I have no idea where he stands in terms of commitment. However, I think there is a reason why I feel so unsafe. I look other couples around, who have no problems getting encaged, married and wonder – why is it so difficult for me? Am I doing something wrong? Or is he just not ready? Will he ever be?
I have been suppressing my feeling of desperation for a while. Five years is a long time to be together. Especially without making any significant commitment. Without still making future plans. The most stupid thing is, I do believe that my partner honestly does not want to deceive me. I think he honestly thinks that one day he might be ready. However, the question is – when?