I already wrote about abandonment threats in the relationships. Now I would want to make a follow up as I have tapped further into what feelings it evokes in me.
So, I am always getting a sense betrayal when someone threatens me with abandonment. It feels as if unless I behave the way they want me to, I am useless. There is little respect towards me, my persona and my wishes, instead there is a wish to control my behavior and if that does not work out, then I am useless.
I am not saying that, this is what is happening in all these situations, what I am saying is that, this is how it feels for me. This feeling is very much connected to the message I got from my mother- either be the way I want you to be or otherwise there is no use of you at all.
I cannot yet comment how many people in my life have actually treated me in this way, I feel I am too close to this emotion. However, I do know that I have frequently been used by people. Some of these situations have been no brainers, where it was obvious that the other person took advantage of me and the others were a little bit more complicated.
Now it is my role to connect with this feeling so that I could actually correctly interpret other people’s behavior and not project to them what my mother did to me.
