why I so desperately long for guys

In my experience a lot of people that have experienced lack of love in their childhood have some means to compensate for it. My boyfriend for instance strives for career excellence in the hopes of feeling adequate some day. Me, myself, strive for the love of all the males around me.

Actually I am quite ashamed to admit this, because it sounds vain, selfish and superficial. However, does any addiction ever sound good? Anyways, I have been obsessed with male attention. I have read many books about how to become more attractive and I have dedicated at least some of my therapy to ‘getting rid of my unattractive sides’.

Behind this obsession lies the belief that if I am loved by many males around me, I finally feel safe and as if I belong somewhere. No, mine is not the typical, I want to feel more attractive. Rather it is- I want to be sure that if I am left one day, there will be another male that will pick me up and I do not ever have to be afraid of feeling insecure again. I can feel safe about being accepted and never being abandoned.

So, my obsession about the attraction of the opposite sex is merely a way of assuring that I will never be alone again. Even if my current relationship does not work out, I want to be sure that someone will pick me up.

There has always been something really scary about being alone in the world for me.


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