I had couple of days ago a serious conversation with my boyfriend about our future. The conversation helped me to realize many things, partially also one of the things which joined us together. Namely, we are both afraid of people having any expectations on us.
The fear of disappointing others is one of the most common signs of commitment phobia. Namely commitment phobic people are so afraid of disappointing their partner, that they avoid letting them close.
With my boyfriend, I felt for the very first time that I could escape those expectations. I felt that I do not have to worry about those, because he did not have any on me. I could avoid having to face my fear of disappointing people because my partner seemed to expect very little of me and be OK with the loose arrangement.
Unfortunately I started expecting things from him at some point. My expectations got more serious about half a year ago when I discovered that I am not OK with our loose arrangement anymore. I like the fact that I have a person to share my ideas with, but I also want to be able to talk about us and not only me and you.
My boyfriend in the meanwhile really struggles with managing my expectations. He uses different strategies to avoid those such as finding reasons why we cannot plan the future.
It is a weird feeling. I can now see from aside what I looked like for all my previous boyfriends. It is also an ambivalent feeling since I feel that I am not completely ready to deal with people’s expectations, but having a life without those also seems rather empty. It seems to equal with the life without friends and a partner.