I have recently been thinking about the reasons why people communicate to others. I have to admit hereby that I have always been a needy communicator. What is a needy communicator?- well I would define it as someone who is not actually concerned about other person sitting next to them, but rather on what this other person can give to them.
My deal has always been love and appreciation. I wanted to communicate with people either because- they could give me some information as to how to improve myself in order to be loved by more people; they could make me feel loved with their compliments; they could offer an idea of a relationship. All these purposes can be summed up as seeking for some kind of love.
Needless to say that as a result, closest people in my life are also needy communicators. My partner communicates in order to be admired. His style is to make sharp comments or put other people down, in order to validate his feeling of being respected. My ex best friend seeks the feeling that she is important and needed, by trying to make people dependent on her.
I am not condoning communication for the purposes of fulfilling one’s needs. Obviously each of us has some unmet needs which we get met through other people. Nothing wrong about this. I guess the question is just about the extent. Are your needs dominating most of the communication in such a way that you hardly ever can focus on the needs of your partner? Mine still do. But I am also getting more aware of them.