My partner has become more loving lately. I have to say that our relationship has been a constant struggle for the last year or two. Namely I felt that he was not investing enough, giving me always very round answers as to if he wants to commit or not (this seems to be a reoccurring experience). Partially this might be due to my own insecurities and needing to know where relationship is at before it is in any safe place. However, my partner’s constant answers as to- our relationship is not secure enough or his several threats to break it up when I was complaining about his lack of commitment, have been seriously challenging.
The beginning of this semester we had another breakup talk where he was expressing his opinion that I want too much out of a relationship. I want a lover, a therapist, a daddy and an admirer. His words have some truth in it. I can clearly see how I have been using my partners to fulfill the holes which are the result of my own childhood. I am indeed highly sensitive to rejection and also still have my abandonment fears at place.
That being said, something in his testament makes me highly insecure about the future of our relationship. I know that your partner is meant to challenge you and show you how you can improve. However, his criticism seemed to offer as much of a way out for him as it did growth to me. I am grateful for him for being honest with me on this matter, however, I feel that some of my expectations are not as farfetched as he seems to assume. In fact, I am even guessing that many of my problems are exaggerated due to his behaviors (not answering my calls, not texting me back, not appearing to meetings etc.).
So I am still off to work on my daddy wound, together with my wish to seek the approval of distant partners who seem to not be sure if they want to commit or not. I have gotten to the crisis, where I feel that his loving attention makes me extremely careful because it only lasts as long as I am distant enough. When I however start having expectations on him again, I feel that all these good intentions will disappear. What to do, I have no idea.