Who is pulling the strings in your relationship?

Because of my traumatic childhood and my mother’s huge disappointment in me, which was verbalized in every possible instance, I had a very low self-esteem. In fact I was attracted to guys that I needed to chase for one or another reason. When a guy was attracted to me, this only spoke badly of him, since well, there had to be something wrong with him. It is therefore no surprise that in my two last relationships I have been the one pushing the relationship forward. It has been me who has tried to plan the future together, who has tried to change myself for the sake of my partner etc etc.

Today I had an epiphany. I am not going to do this anymore. I have been somewhat resigned from my current relationship for several months now, but I decided to take even some more steps back. I am currently on my vacation without my boyfriend and it has helped me to clear up my mind. It is not uncommon that when one looks at the events from a small distance, some of the things that they have endured seem totally ridiculous. I have now also understood, that I have put up with a behavior that is not OK. I have tried to steer the relationship, convince my boyfriend, cry, become a better person- all just to get him to commit to the future with me. And I am frankly tired. I realize how unfruitful this kind of strategy is. If a man wants to commit to you long-term he will, if not, well, you are probably not going to convince him either. Perhaps some small changes are necessary to make the relationship work, but if your partner demands huge changes from you on a constant basis, it should make you very careful.

At this point I have no idea what is going to happen to my relationship. I have only decided that I am not going to try to push it to any direction anymore. I am also not going to try to change myself for the sake of making my partner commit. I am just going to lay back and see what gives. It is clear that at this point it is my partner’s time to make some changes, to prove that he wants to be with me on a long-run and actually try to earn some of my lost love back. If this is not going to happen, I am afraid that this relationship has to end.

This is actually an attitude I recommend to all the girls that feel that their partner is unwilling to commit or fight for their affection and they have to do all the work. Do not anymore. Just sit back and see how he is going to react. This says much more about the likelihood of having common future together than anything else.

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